Finding Closure

The past few weeks have seen me loose a close friend not through death. that particular friend believed that  friendship had become uncomfortable. Though neither of us is at fault I still feel like the victim. I have tried many ways to find this closure and am just about getting there. Its only when i think that i am there i will be reminded of it. This friend was a sister to me. I always believed she was my big sister and by being honest I ruined a friendship that i treasured. I have been writing a goodbye letter to this friend and in there poured out all my emotions. Anger, Sorrow, Hate, Love, Disgust etc... Many might ask in all this negative emotion how love figures into it. I loved this friend as a sister... If i needed advice i would consult her... she had become my confidant... and then she broke it off... just like one discards an old shirt... After all this she came up with starting a new friendship but one with limitations and boundaries... Is friendship about limitations and boundaries? i don't think i want such a friendship... 
friendships are meant to evolve not stay stagnant by the limitations you put on it... 
I just Pray that I am able to move on from this...

Types of relationships

 People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.    

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.    

Then people come into your life for a SEASON, b ecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.   

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Jouty's heart

I don't know what else to call it... So I called it Jouty's heart... This was written by Jouty for her sisters (thats Us). Jouty you mean the world to us... Love you

I have a sister. She is 3 years younger than me. My parents were always busy. I don't mean in a bad way. They are both great parents and spent lots of quality time with us but again they were both busy with work. So I grew up with a nanny. I always played a mother role to my sister. My mom says it every day that I am a mother to my sister. We are also friends. We talk about everything. There is nothing she knows that I don't know or I know that she doesn't. From movie gossip to annoying girls we talk about everything. We are also rivals. We have liked the same boy before. As a matter of fact she considered to be in love with my ex. We love each other but we also dislike each other very much. She makes me laugh, I make her laugh. She makes me cry, I make her cry.

Then Allah gave sent me 3 new sisters. 1st came Sara, she came as a friend. Then she brought Baji along with her. For anyone who doesn't know what Baji is its means older sister with all the respect. My mom has a Baji. She can give her life away for her Baji. I always wanted to know why she calls her Baji...why not something else?? And why is that she only calls that one lady Baji and no one else! Now I know. I love my KC Baji. I didn't choose to call her Baji. But it just happened. From the heart I wanted to call her Baji. I never ever wanted an older sister. It was so natural for me to take her as an older sister. She is just so wonderful. I whine to her every single day and she is so....motherly....so amazing. It's like she has a wing and she takes me under it and tell me it's ok. She gives me that shoulder to cry on. I don't like crying to people but I always want her shoulder to cry on. I love her.

I can never really describe what I feel for Sara. Mostly because I don't know. She is a friend more then a sister. I don't even know how we became sisters but I am so glad we did. My psychic said " she can feel I am close to someone named Sara. And she gets good vibe from her. I should keep her around" Even though Sara has to be the most common name in America and the lady is bogus I will pretend Sara is destined to be around me. I love her....I admire her...I always forget she is younger than me. She is the glue that holds us sisters together. And without her we seem to fall apart. I want to beat people up when she is troubled. (And trust me I have never even hurt a fly in my life.) She means so much to me sometimes I wish I could kidnap the guy she likes and hand him over to her. She deserves all the happiness in this world.

Then came Naina. And I don't even want her as a sister. She is the devil...I can go on and on about her devil qualities. But sad truth is she knows I love her. I really love her. I don't know anyone else who I can fight with and love! She brightens up my day. She makes me laugh. She says stuff that literally makes my jaw drop! I love her.

Baji's bday-- April

My bday-- May

Sara-- June

Naina-- July!

We were destined to be sisters. We just had to find each other.

Then came the most special person in our sister group-- Salma!!!

She is the sweetest out of all of us. The cutest and most adorable. She doesn't get involved in any of our sister nok jhoks. Mostly because she is too sweet. I love her in the most special way because even though Sara and Naina are younger than me I don't see them as younger sisters. Sallu is the only one who calls me di. I love her for it. It makes me want to be an older sister. I feel so protective over her. She is always there. It's wonderful. I love her. She is sooo special to me!!

As I said before I already have a sister but my 4 sisters taught me things I didn’t know. I made new bonds. I never saw the beauty in this relationship till they came in my life. It's so beautiful. It's based on love, trust, care. A sister is a mother (KC) a sister is a friend (Roshni) and sister is an enemy (Naina) a sister is someone cute and special who I want to protect (Salma)

We love you too Jouty...

My Birth Day... yes it passed ages ago...

29 April 1985

Your date of conception was on or about 6 August 1984 which was a Monday.

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 11.

Your fortune cookie reads:
You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 6.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446184.5.
The golden number for 1985 is 10.
The epact number for 1985 is 8.
The year 1985 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/20/1985 and ending 2/8/1986.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Ox.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 8 Iyyar 5745.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 9 Iyyar 5745.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.11.17.0 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 11 tun 17 uinal 0 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 8 Sha'ban 1405 (1405-8-8).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 7 April 1985.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 14 April 1985.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 20 February 1985.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 26 May 1985.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 2 June 1985.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 16 September 1985.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 6 April 1985.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 19 February 1985.


Celebrities who share your birthday:

Jo O'Meara (1979)	Andre Agassi (1970)	Master P (1970)
Uma Thurman (1970)	Michelle Pfeiffer (1957)	Daniel Day-Lewis (1957)
Kate Mulgrew (1955)	Jerry Seinfeld (1954)	Dale Earnhardt (1951)
Zubin Mehta (1936)	Celeste Holm (1919)	Tom Ewell (1909)
Duke Ellington (1899)	William Randolph Hearst (1863)

Top songs of 1985

Say You, Say Me by Lionel Richie	We Are The World by USA for Africa
Careless Whisper by Wham!	Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon
Money for Nothing by Dire Straits	Shout by Tears for Fears
Broken Wings by Mr. Mister	I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner
The Power of Love by Huey Lewis & the News	Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.41487279843444 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Scorpio.
Your opposition number(s) is 9 & 11.

Today is one of your lucky days!

There are 41 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 24 candles.

Those 24 candles produce 24 BTUs,
or 6,048 calories of heat (that's only 6.0480 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.74 US ounces of water with that many candles.  

In 1985 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1985 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1985 in the US there were 2,425,000 marriages (10.2%) and 1,187,000 divorces (5%)
In 1985 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1985 the population of Australia was approximately 15,900,566.
In 1985 there were approximately 247,348 births in Australia.
In 1985 in Australia there were approximately 115,493 marriages and 39,830 divorces.
In 1985 in Australia there were approximately 118,808 deaths.

Your birth flower is DAISY

Your birthstone is Diamond

The Mystical properties of Diamond

Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire

Your birth tree is

Walnut Tree, the Passion

Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.

Your view on yourself... meaning my view on myself... truth or fiction...

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

My 100th post...

Wow... I cant believe I I have got to my 100th post. So what is this post going to be about... absolutely nothing...  This will be a very random post...
So its the 10th of May 2010... 30 years ago on this day my Mum and Dad got married...
So its a pretty special day for me... but i am sure today lots of other people round the world will be celebrating birthdays anniversaries etc etc...
Like i said this is going to be a very random post... will ramble abit later on

A year of mile stones

I never realised until today that 2010 was the year of milestones for the many important people in my life as well as for me.
This year I celebrated my 25th birthday. 2 of my friends also turn 21 this year. Another of my friends turns 18.
However the most important event for me this year is my parents anniversary. they have been together 30 years and I look up to them for everything. They are my role models for a realistic and ideal marriage. As they reach this wonderful milestone I pray that they celebrate many more anniversaries to come. I also pray that I find a partner who I will also spend the rest of my life with and hope to achieve the milestone that my parents have achieved.

A Quarter of a century

Today is the day I was born 25 years ago... I have been alive a quarter of a century... I thought let me see what happened on this day 25 years ago... and this is what I found...
- 17th space shuttle mission (51-B)-Challenger 7 launched
- Ranger Larry Parrish is 5th to hit 3 HRs in a game in both leagues
- Tony Tubbs TKOs Greg Page in 15 for heavyweight boxing title


So it wasn't a very exciting day... but it was in my family coz i had come into this world with a bang... I was right on the dot... The date the doctor gave my mum was the day I was born... not one day late not one day early... right on time... 


As I reflect on life it seems to have gone quick... it was only yesterday when I was tearing up the streets playing with the kids on my street... from cricket to 7 stones to I declare a war (yeah i know that sounds horrible but it is actually a fun game).... 


As I reach this milestone... I wonder where life will take me next... What adventure awaits me... All I know is that i ready to face what life throws at me... 


So as the day comes to an end... I wanna say to me... Happy Birthday... you made it this far... another 25 shud be a walk in the park...:P

Self Esteem

I always thought you only could dent someone's self esteem... But that was my ignorance and today everything came to light. I learnt self esteem is like fine bone china that is so fragile. It is so easy to destroy a person's self esteem and raising that esteem back could take years. I work with young kids and I realised their esteem is really very fragile. Being a significant other to that child is so important and how you treat the child could really effect their future. So what's a significant other? This is the person or people who raise you up when you're down and praise and encourage you no matter what. Just one negative word from this person could destroy a person's self esteem in less then 10 seconds. So remember when someone comes to you to talk or show you something, they have chosen you to show you or tell you what is important to them. Don't turn them away be it child or adult. It could scar them and make them feel low and worthless.  
The following a bit of a poem I have read. I don't know the Author but I will find out. It's called Please hear what I am not saying.
" Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-masks that I am afraid to take off; and none of them are me. "


So remember what ever it is...If you are chosen as a significant other, Listen and advice/give praise. You don't know the positive effect it could have on the person who has chosen you.

Forest Skills

So today i started training on Forest skills and u may ask what is this? well for me it was a confidence booster. I am rubbish at outdoors and I have to say after the end of the first day I was itching to be back. Making tea/coffee/hot chocolate with kelly kettles... making a rainbow book mark... sticky crowns and string mobiles. So now you think I am a nutter. This is for kids but i have to say for the afternoon I felt like my kids at work... exploring different things and learning about different things. It was an just a wonderful experience. On day two we made wood discs by sawing the wood ourselves... that was the first time I sawed wood and I couldn't believe that it was so easy. Then we learnt about Elder wood... Did you know Elder wood is a native UK tree and has been around since the Ice Age... and its can survive anything... cut it down and it will grow back... its good for making flutes or mini beast houses...:P I cant wait for day three... learning how to make fire with friction... :D

and so begins the wedding season...

Sometimes I dread summer... It marks the beginning of the wedding season... I have been to too many weddings... First I went to weddings to enjoy myself... socialise with friends and family now weddings have become like a household chore... I sit there and think when can I get out of here... now you might ask why? What's wrong with weddings? There is nothing wrong with them... I love the colours, food and laughter... however it makes me feel old... yeah a singleton who wonders when her time will come... So today I attended a wedding and as usual those old feelings of anxiety began to surface. While everyone is here to watch the bride... there are those match makers on the loose watching all the single ones in the room. So today when those anxieties arose... I told myself why spoil a perfectly good opportunity to socialise with worrying about what people were thinking... and I saw an automatic change... I smiled more... I felt more comfortable and that nauseating feeling had disappeared. Where as I was always looking for the chance to finish up and skip out today time flew by and it wasn't until my Mom asked if I had finished being a social butterfly that I realised half the people had left... Now I know when I get ready for the next wedding I need to attend... I am going there to have fun and chill out with friends... :)

Drama, Drama and more Drama

I feel like I am going through a mid life crisis... whoa shocked... I guess you are... for you who know me know that I am still young... but life has thrown enough curve balls at me these past few weeks. There is just one thing I am grateful for and that is the family and friends who have been there for me. I know I have been acting like a child or sometimes like a .... (you know what I mean) I haven't meant to hurt anyone's feelings and I plan to be as open as I can about my feelings... Sorry guys (yeah I know I am going to get kicked for the sorry) and thank you for being there... I plan to be my normal happy self soon... :D 

playing with neri, mina and pinky....

Wow i love playing with these three... the word war is so wow... we chat so fast sometimes its hard to keep up and with these three its always double entendre... Neri my polish friend... she is cool a great artist... and when she is quiet she is like invisible... also known as Alice since she gets lost in her wonderland often... our coffee addict since its the only thing she can make without burning it... lol... love u neri... Mina my Latin girl... She is the best... she can talk for the world which is no a bad thing and very loud...  with Mina around there is never a dull moment esp when she and pink start on their conversations... I like to call them both my comedy circus... :P and as for Pink... what can i say about little miss trouble...  where ever she goes she takes a ray of sunshine with her and is always making me smile... these 3 are my pals,,, Love you guys... Hugs...

PINK

This started out as a cheer up post but since said person is not sad i wont be soppy and mushy. Pink this was meant to be a cheer up post but i can turn it into a wonderful friend post.
In a short time you have become an important part of my life. you give great advice, make me smile and how can i forget i found my fashion consultant... Its amazing that you didn't want to be my friend at first... I guess my niceness rubbed off on you... :D Anyways this vid was shown to me (no don't worry its not a vid of you) so i hope you feel validated after watching it (even though you dont need validation)



So i hope you loved this... Now i dunno if you have seen this but i think its soooo cute and its something i know you will totally love or laugh at... (I hope i have it right)

http://www.iloveegg.com/egg_english.htm

Check the link... :D

Thank you for being a friend
*running away before i get told off*

I love you

What do the words I love you mean?
To me they always meant that i will be there for you no matter what...
they meant that you are still precious to me even though you have flaws...
that when you are down and don't wanna talk I'll just hug you...
when we are sitting in a crowded room we'll talk with out eyes...
even when i am right i will still say sorry...
but then again do you really need those words to feel that u are loved...
i think sometimes we think we need those words when we dont really
because actions speak louder then words...

ps this is me rambling nonsense

Weekend away

Wow its been one crazy weekend... Missed the snow in Peterborough, caught the rain in Norwich and the sun in Essex. From late night movies to catching trains to making trips to the corner store did it all this wknd... I cant believe its back to work on Monday... I could do with another week off... Now its time to concentrate on assignments...

Wow... I went to bake and this was what was waiting for me

 

Ever ur the best....

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day everyone...

 

  

This is to wish all my friends Happy Valentines Day...

Long time no see

Its been over a month... wow... a jam packed month...

I absolutley hate assisgnments

I never thought writing an assignment would be this hard. I wish i was back in school now although i hate exams. But writing a 2000 word assignment was never hard until i started to do my degree form home... and here i thought it would be better... grrr i really just want to throw my laptop out in the snow and then say my laptop got water damage... who knew writing about dead people would be educational... no offense to those people since they were probably more intelligent than me... but please it gets boring after a while... Ahhh

2010

Wow the year has started with snow... I love snow but maybe thats because where i am from we never experience such cold weather. I still remember the first time i saw snow it was like opening birthday presents. But 9 years on i still feel excited when i see snow.

The playground at work... can u believe it this snow at our disposal....

so its been a great start to 2010. I cant wait for more snow....

My first writing in the new year....

I want 2010 to bring lots of adventure and new experiences... So this is to all my friends out there i hope 2010 brings you good health, may your wishes come true and may you achieve all that dream off....