Its nearly gone...

My half term is nearly gone... i cant believe it... we shud have 2 weeks of half term... lol... thats just me being greedy... anyways now that half term is over i am glad coz its 6 weeks to summer hols... or 7... and i cant wait... Rubs will be here and so will Shiru... and we can have our girly nights... i cant wait... coz i get more time to speak to my sisters and enjoy the good weather... yay... oh yes and i forgot my friend's wedding... thats something to look fwd to

emotions

why is it so hard to understand the emotions i feel... there are times when stupid little things cause me pain and that is understandable but what really confuses me is when i feel jealous of people i am supposed to love... don't get me wrong i do love them and would lay my life down for them but its little things that make me feel does anyone really notice... Most people say i am so good at hiding things and that maybe coz when i have tried to show feelings no one has noticed... its amazing how i can totally ignore someone and not talk to them or how hard it is to say sorry when i am the one at fault... there are times when i can totally space out of a conversation because i feel so alone... i could sit with family who are sitting and chatting and yet be as quiet as a mouse coz i feel so left... I am mind boggled as to whether i have a emotinal defect or is it normal... does everyone feel like this?

My first day... of half term...

Lazy days... with the weather steaming up i feel lazy... its just too warm to do anything... its these lazy days that really make half term worth while... i have so much to do but still a day has gone and all i have done is laze in bed reading, chatting or watching tv... i did however do some work... like iron 3 articles of clothing and cleaning the kitchen... thats all... I love lazy days...

A whole week off....

finally... the half term is here... the week i needed off... sleep is first on the agenda... as that is what i am lacking... hopefully i will get it...
one week off and the possibility to do things.. wohoo...

Its nearly Half term

I cant wait for tomoro... Its nearly half term... a whole week off... hopefully i can sleep for longer... wohoo... i cant wait

Yay... My mom is finally home

It's so good... My home is finally home... i dont care about the gifts (well actually i like them) but i am more happy that my mom is home... yay...

She is finally coming

Wohoo... My Mom is finally coming... After 6 weeks she is arriving home after a long holiday... I am so excited I dont know what to write the excitement is too much... wohoo... its time to party...

The weekend is finally here

It doesn't matter that the weather is horrible... infact i am glad its raining coz my plants will get watered... and they wont die... yay... but i am more excited about seeing my mom... I do have cleaning to do... but yeah i am excited... wohoo... its gooing to be a bz wknd and a bz week...

Lazy days

Today has been one of those days where i feel lazy... I just could not be bothered... and i still cannot be bothered.. too sleepy to do anything... aaaahhh ok so i just got up feeling a bit refreshed... but i guess nothing beats a good nights sleep so i guess i will try sleeping early tonight... Its a lazy day today

40 Days

I cant believe its been 40 Days... i never thought the time would go so quickly... 40 days and it still seems like yesterday... i wonder where Dadi is, is she with Dadu? Have they met? I still find it so hard to believe that she has left us and gone... I will never hear her voice... or see her... or hug her... My Dadi was the best... she taught me so much... I treasure the moments i spent with her... she never missed an opportunity to learn... we learnt how to make scoobies together... she taught me how to fold samosa's... but best of all she used to love watching ready steady cook... i remember when we used to sit and analyse the cooking... if there was a nice recipe we would try it... There are so many things i will always remember... the memory i think i will treasure the most is when i was sitting practicing my mendi and she was sitting with my 2 cousins playing Animal Kingdom. It didnt matter that she didnt win it was how hard she tried... and that is a lesson i will always treasure from her... To keep trying no matter what... She was truely the best... I love You Dadi... Miss you loads.

Cards

I finally made the cards that i needed to save one... which will get done during this week... it was good to be able to let out my creativity... i think it had been simmering for quite a while and was ready to explode... isn't life great... lol...

monday... the blues

Its just the first day at work and already its busy... wow... after the day i have had i wish it was friday... lol... But I am glad that its the start... there is so much to be done and i am glad i have a week to do it... Hopefully on saturday i shall be saying i have all my work sorted...

The weekend

Sigh... as the weekend finally draws to an end... I cant help but look forward to next weekend. Although i know this week is going to be very busy cleaning and making sure the house is spotless it does not diminsh the excitement of having my Mom come back from Holiday. I never thought of how much work she puts in when i am not at home or when i am ill... now i know so i plan to apprecitae her more... i cant wait to see her tho...weekend come soon... come soon...

Cleaning....

I never knew the joys of cleaning until today.... Ironing, putting the clothes out, washing the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen cupboards... now don't get me wrong... i do clean just not all at once... today has been one of those days where i have done it altogether... and man am i tired... but i feel great coz i didnt spend half my day infront of the computer or TV... i actually did some hard work.... life as i know it seem good... the sun is shining and i am happy... now if only i could summon the strength to go shower... lol...

I Passed...

I cant believe it... I passed my driving test... after hours of antagonizing nerves.... I did it... to say i was suprised is putting it mildly... I was shocked and thought i heard wrong... but no i passed and this is the best new i have had all day... it party time... wohoo

Lets go on a trip

i wish it was easy as that. Just pick your bag and travel the world. but then thats not what i am talking about. Lets go on a trip is the name of my fave song... the catchy tune just has me smiling and in a happy mood. Today has been a day where i have been happy... like looney happy... i dont know why i am happy... i am just smiling... and its a great feeling.

My fear of tests...

I hate tests... i absolutely hate them... First it was school exams... after getting through that i now have to face a driving test... just the thought of this makes me so nervous i drive like an absolute amateur... nothing seems to help.... even the easy questions i know the answers to seem like the hardest things in the world... what is it about tests that makes me fear them so much... everyone says its just a test... but thats just it... to me its the difference between success and failure... I hate failing... but then again failure sometimes teaches you invaluable lessons... so why does it freak me out to the point where i nearly kill some poor person... So i just say to myself... get it over and done with... you will pass at some point... surely it cant be that bad... can it?

why sometimes words matter?

I always knew that i was bad with words and every one around me knew that too. but recently i realized that words to matter. being faced with a situation that i had no control over made me realize that words to matter. Not silly everyday words but words that showed deeper meaning to the people who were important in my life especially those who were far away from me. this post is dedicated to my four wonderful soul sisters, who came into my life just when i needed them. so my dear sisters i may not be good with words but this is an attempt to tell you why you matter to me and why you are important in my life. As usual its always traditional to start with the oldest but i am going to break that tradition and start with the youngest....

Salma... You are our princess, our baby and will forever remain our baby even when we are old and Grey you will still be our baby. there are times when you are much wiser then me and those are the times i learn some valuable lessons from you. you brighten up my life with your enthusiasm to learn. you are not scared to ask and that's what i love most about you. there are times when i think was i really like this when i was 16 and usually when i remember i realize you are way mature then i was at that age. you give me the strength to be a better sister and i am glad we live in the same country so i can call you otherwise i think i would have gone mad. I am also glad that i have met you in person. i have many younger cousins who have been like sisters to me but my relationship with you is like a real blood sister. to me it doesn't matter that we dont share the same family, you are part of life that is happy and bright. i can talk to you and feel like i am 16 again thank you for being a part of my life. i will always love you no matter where in the world i go i will always be a phone call away when ever u need me no matter where i am if i can i will get to u. Love you princess

Naina... my devil... the one who taught me corruption... naina i admire you because if you hadnt come into my life i would have never learnt how to be thankful what i have. you have weathered the most fierce of storms and i respect you for that. As for corrupting me... hahaha only you could have ever done that... and the day i come down to see you i will finally be able to hug my devil... :D you leave my jaw hanging with what you say and because of that i am used to expecting the unexpected from you... you have spiced up my life with you words and imagination... who knew that it would take a sassy young lady from Connecticut to teach me how to be bold. I know that we hardly talk right now because you are busy with studies and all but i know that you are always there when i need you... I know you are strong... but when you feel weak know that i am there for you to lean on when you need a shoulder to cry on mine will always be ready to take on you sorrows... I will always be there and when i leave this world i will watch over you... love you my devil

Sara... miss bossy boots... sometimes i wonder how i let you boss me around... even when i am tired i jump to do your bidding... and that's what i love about you... you take in hand the situation and do something about it... you are my muse... without you my creativity fades away... if you weren't around i think i would never come up with the stuff i write... besides all this you hold a very special place in my heart because you brought the other three into my life... without you i would never have had four sister... thank you... there are times when i am surprised that i can talk to you about anything even though i have only known you more than a year... i ask myself where you were my whole life you know what i think and i know i have a confidante in you... no matter how bossy you are you are still soft when you need to be. I know i whine to you the most coz you are always catering to my every whim... but know that i am always there... and when you whine back to me it feels great that i am able to be a listening ear to you. when you go missing i worry so just like you worry when i don't msg u try and send me even a one word msg to say where u are... just like old times... i love you Miss Bossy boots

Last but not the very least is Jouty... My angel... when i first read your work i admired your talent... i wondered why i couldn't write so flawlessly like you but then i knew we all had our talents... you with words and me with my creativity. having talked to you i thought what do i have in common with this strong character but soon it became evident that we had loads in common... writing, akaashdeep, creating siggy's even our names were the same and our birthdays days apart... was it fate for you to come into my life... you have always been the strong shoulder i relied on during tough times and my right hand... you gave me great advice when i needed it and i know the future holds the same... you made me want to dream silly dreams as well as the serious ones... Our dream trip to new york... i never thought it possible but after your constant nagging about planning the trip i finally believed in it... thank you... Jouty you are one in a million to me no one in this world could take your place in my heart as you are part of my heart that makes it beat. without you our circle is not complete... we are four a boring number... you are the one who i can discuss drama's with like they were real life situations... i cant do that with anyone but you... besides you are the only one who asks me if i will feed you when you come to stay with me... everyone else assumes i will feed them... but when u ask me that i feel proud coz thats what big sisters are for... You also gave me religion... before you i never had interest and now i do and I want to say thank you for always being there... love you my angel.

I know i don't express myself well but i wrote what i felt even though what i wrote will never express the deep feelings in my heart. This may be just a glimpse of what i feel. when i put my mind into something i give it my heart... i hope these words show you how much you matter in my life.

Baji
xxx