emotions

why is it so hard to understand the emotions i feel... there are times when stupid little things cause me pain and that is understandable but what really confuses me is when i feel jealous of people i am supposed to love... don't get me wrong i do love them and would lay my life down for them but its little things that make me feel does anyone really notice... Most people say i am so good at hiding things and that maybe coz when i have tried to show feelings no one has noticed... its amazing how i can totally ignore someone and not talk to them or how hard it is to say sorry when i am the one at fault... there are times when i can totally space out of a conversation because i feel so alone... i could sit with family who are sitting and chatting and yet be as quiet as a mouse coz i feel so left... I am mind boggled as to whether i have a emotinal defect or is it normal... does everyone feel like this?